Rules & Conduct

In order to provide a positive and safe experience for folks in our community, we have a few rules and expectations around conduct at our events and in our online spaces.

If you have any questions, concerns, suggestions or need clarification on what any of these rules means, please don’t hesitate to contact us. This is a living document and we are very open to making revisions in order to better meet the needs of the community.

Rules of conduct

  1. Ask permission before photographing, tagging or posting about anyone.
  2. Do not out anyone. This includes outing someone as poly outside the community and outing people as kinky, queer, trans etc within the poly community.
  3. Respect the privacy of others in our community. If someone shares personal information at an event, don’t repeat it to people who were not at the event.
  4. Respect personal space and boundaries – ask for consent before touching anyone.
  5. Address people by their preferred names and pronouns. If you’re not sure, ask.
  6. Do not assume that people belong to other sex-positive communities. Not all poly people are kinky, queer, swingers etc. Be inclusive of people who do not participate in other communities as well as those who do.
  7. Hate speech and bigotry will not be tolerated. This includes but isn’t limited to sexism/misogyny, homophobia/heterosexism, racism, ableism, fatphobia/sizeism, transphobia/cissexism.
  8. If you are called out for your language or behaviour, listen to the person calling you out and change any problematic behaviour.
  9. Don’t be a jerk.

As organizers we will do our very best to ensure that everyone behaves appropriately. However, some times we will miss stuff and sometimes we will screw up ourselves. If you observe or are on the receiving end of problematic behaviour please don’t hesitate to let us know and we will do our very best to fix the issue. If you notice one of us screwing up, call us on it – we’re not perfect but we’re very open to fixing any mistakes we make and appreciate the heads up.

Any problems can be reported to either Anlina or Nightshade or both of us. You’re also welcome to contact us anonymously, though if you don’t provide any contact details we will be unable to follow up with you.

Tips for being awesome

These are a few suggestions for making your interactions in the community the best they can be.

  1. Speak from your own experiences, and recognize that your experiences aren’t the same as everyone else’s.
  2. Listen to whoever is speaking.
  3. Avoid interrupting.
  4. Think before you speak.
  5. Carefully consider what information you post in our online groups. They are open to the public.
  6. Be aware of how much space you’re taking up. If you’ve spoken lots, make room for others to speak.
  7. Admit your mistakes and apologize. Be responsible for your words and actions.
  8. If someone messes up, tell them, even if it doesn’t directly affect you. The person who is harmed by it may not have the energy or ability to speak up.
  9. Actively question your assumptions about how the world works.
  10. Be authentic and make your words and actions match.
  11. Act with kindness and compassion.


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